music and writing

hm... writing is difficult. i seem to have forgotten how to do it. i can write you a lovely scholarly paper in APA format. that i can do. i'm even taking an incredibly tedious course to improve my ability to do just that. i know *everything* about levels of headings. just ask. (or don't). and i can cite references with the best of 'em.

writing about myself, however, is much more difficult. i'm not sure where that place is. that place where i'm not treating this blog like a therapist, or a journal, or a friend, but rather a combination of all of those things, and none of those things. a place where i write when i'm confused, or intrigued, or excited, and not just when i'm depressed.

well, it's a work in progress.

i think music will help. i had forgotten about music, for a while. it's around me. it plays in cars and supermarkets and the occasional awkward elevator. the kids at work play pop culture mash-ups at ear splitting volumes (i never thought i'd feel so OLD at 23). i stopped listening to *my* music, though. i spend most of my time on the bus, at work, or in classes. i no longer drive around singing at the top of my lungs. i left my ipod at home for months.

then pandora happened. it is waking me up again. i forget how much music connects me with my own emotions. sounds and lyrics push my emotions forward and make me deal with them. sometimes i feel a little manipulated by music, but mostly i think it's healthy. i spend too much time pushing down my emotions, even these days when i'm so much healthier and happier than i've ever been.

i love the concept of pandora. i've never been good at picking my own music. i just know there are certain sounds that speak to me. pandora helps me find more of those sounds. it's music fused with an almost scientific organization system. i love it. it intrigues me and introduces me to new music and lets me guide it in the direction i'm feeling.

so... that's the plan. listen to music. write. be a more balanced person.

wish me luck :)

on (not) blogging

in case you haven't noticed, i have pretty much disappeared from the blogosphere.

life has been beautiful lately, but also difficult. i'm incredibly busy and both my jobs require a lot of online time, so i tend to neglect my personal presence on the web.

i have gotten so much better about taking time out for self-care: for my relationships, for sleep, for me. it shortens the time i have for the rest of my life, but it makes me a healthier, happier person.

that said, i really miss writing. i'm not in therapy right now and i don't think i spend enough time reflecting. i'm feeling a little disconnected from myself, and from all of you (friends and family).

so... yeah. i'm going to try to write more often. i'm not sure if anyone will read it, but i need to reconnect to myself this way, and i like looking back and having a record of my experiences.

talk to you soon, i hope.

elaine

For CHEM 120S

Here is my "Practicing Chemical Safety" video for CHEM 120S.

This is a test to see if I can host the video here for the class viewing.

If you are a friend or family member... the video is pretty hilarious and you might enjoy it ;)

off to mexico

I'm heading up to San Francisco tomorrow and then Cozumel, Mexico on Monday.

Chris and Jess are getting married and we are all going to spend some time on the beach. I'm so excited for both of them!

and for me :)

I'll miss Asher but it'll be a great week.

See you when I return!

32 MPG!

woop woop!

we bought a little tiny adorable car from our friend cassie.

after sitting around for quite some time, and before we changed the oil, this little fellow clocked in at 32 miles per gallon! that's twice what the truck gets. (don't worry truck, we still love you).

basically, it will pay for itself in gas money in no time. plus, we don't feel as bad about the environment every time we decide to drive somewhere. hooray!

--------

i'll post a real update soon, i promise.

also

I have phased out one of my anti-depressants, and I'm working on getting off the other one. It's going really well, which gives me an enormous sense of accomplishment and relief. If you have ever considered going on anti-depressants, good for you. They saved my life. If you have ever decided to get off of anti-depressants, good for you as well! It feels good to know how much work I have done to improve my life.

...and I'm thinking of growing out my hair again. Opinions?

May Updates...

it is SUMMER!

i have 2 jobs:
Youth Outreach Worker at the Billy DeFrank LGBT Community Center
Student Intern at the San Jose State University Women's Resource Center
i love them both.
a lot.

i finished a semester of school without self-destructing.
i got an A in my chemistry class.
*fingers crossed* i might have a 4.0 this semester.

asher and i moved into a new apartment.
we live with crystal and her kitty, lelou.
we live 2 minutes from the beach.
we can see the beach from the patio.
i love santa cruz.

my baby brother graduated from college.
i'm so proud of him!
he's coming to visit with his awesome girlfriend.

asher moody is graduating in december.
i'm so proud of him i might explode.
i'm very much in love with him.
our relationship is better every day.

um... i think that's all for now.
i'll be spending more time in front of computers this summer.
maybe i'll update more often :)